Mom's the best - or is she?

How you really know a good mother

Article was written on 21.08.2020 by Ina.

Woman becomes a mother. But what does it mean? Whether lawyer, social worker or bus driver - for most roles there is training. But for motherhood? That's where the maternal instinct comes in. But what if that instinct isn't as groundbreaking as it sounds? And isn't it usually the others who know best who is a good mother? We've written down how you can really tell.

Mom's the best - or is she?

Does a good mother have to live up to her own ideal?

Cross my heart. You already know what a good mother would look like. We all carry the image of a good mother. It's probably the mothers we grew up with. In addition to our own mothers, these include grandmothers, teachers and famous people. It has been formed after that,

  • whether they've had a good or bad influence on our lives
  • how respected they were as a mother in our culture and society

Conclusion: Your ideal primarily says something about the circumstances in which you grew up. It varies from person to person. A mother does not have to correspond to her own ideal to be good.

Does a good mother meet the expectations of society?

In France, a mother is expected to go back to work a few months after giving birth. She is also expected to take intensive care of the couple's relationship. The worst French swearword for mothers is the mother hen.

In Germany, it is called Rabenmutter and describes a woman who does not devote enough time to her child. Especially in the old federal states, the idea prevails that children should be looked after at home for the first three years of their lives if possible.

Conclusion: You don't recognize a good mother by the fact that she meets the expectations of her environment. Because they change depending on where you live and which values are important there.

May a good mother need help from others?

Nutrition, game ideas, medical care, learning support, transport service, shopping service, bureaucracy management, comfort donations, spontaneous night shifts, 24-hour on-call service. In addition, there is money-making, household and the need not to neglect one's own basic needs. In the worst case, even a virus like Corona, which completely changes everyday life.

Parenthood is one of the most diverse fields of activity there is. Not even top managers bear so much responsibility and have to be so flexible with regard to the topics. And even they can get in over their heads.

Conclusion: Every person may feel overwhelmed. Nobody can do everything, but most people can do some things quite well. Therefore, it is only smart if a mother seeks help to complement her abilities. (Seeks help that complements her abilities.).

What kind of mother does the child actually need?

Own wishful thinking, social pressure, too little compatibility in everyday life - these are the reasons that make over a third of all parents doubt themselves. (one third of all parents doubt themselves).

And what do children need? They are 100% dependent on adults meeting the following basic needs for them:

  • Protection
  • Proximity
  • Food
  • Sleep
  • Care
  • Affiliation
  • Appreciation
  • Self-realization

But studies reveal that this does not necessarily have to be the mother (studies reveal.). It is important for a good development that children's needs are answered reliably and sufficiently. This can also mean enabling their own children to have their needs met elsewhere.

The father, for example. Or the same-sex partner. With grandma and grandpa, in some cases also with foster or adoptive parents. Educators, teachers, social workers and trainers are also part of the frequently mentioned village that is needed to raise a child.

Conclusion: You can recognize a good mother by the fact that she takes the well-being of her child and the fulfilment of his needs seriously. Sometimes she has to make decisions that do not correspond to her own ideal of motherhood or the expectations of her environment. Often she grows exactly by this.

Did you like this post? Then take a look at our interview with the single mother Christin, co-founder of the ElternHotline, or find out what an adult daughter of a single parent has to say about her childhood (an adult daughter of a single mother). (Interview with the single mother Christian).


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